Jodi Mitchell

Love Makes Me Big

The setting is a small cafe. I sit at a round table covered with my books, paper and tea. I am alone but I have my thoughts for company. All is quiet. All is still. 

I sit there in silence frantically writing down all that is within. 

The world is so vast. My mind cannot fully comprehend. 

There are so many words, thoughts, ideas, people, places. 

Though there is one force greater than all. The force I am pondering is love. 

Simple, beautiful, perfect love. It is all that holds this planet together. 

I am here in this small place dreaming of the rest of creation held together by one single thread. 

Yes, I can picture love as a cord. It is strong and links many together. It is great and overcomes. 

So much in this world is against love. The darkness pulls it down. It tears it up. It perverts and twists. 

But love is strong. It never fails. 

How small I feel in this hollow room. How small am I, yet love makes me big. 

 Love makes me big. I sense deep gratitude in my heart. 

I am thankful. I am big. I am loved.

And Now I Write

And now I write... about all that holds me in. Is it good to be held in? Should I expect to be held in? It feels good for a moment, yet the feeling passes. I struggle with the comfort and safeness of being held in.

^{Perhaps to be held in is to be held back.} 

^{I do not want to be held back for I ache with the fear of being left behind.}  

^{And now I know that I am holding me back, holding me in.} 

^{And now I write of a life held in.} 

^{Afraid and alone like a child who is held indoors on a sun filled day.}  

^{And now I know life is about going outdoors, playing in the sunshine, dancing in the water, sleeping in the grass.} 

^{And now I write of a life full of awareness.} 

^{A life awakened and full of sun.} 

^{A life not on hold but let go.} 

Why do I write?

I write mainly for myself. I write to get lost feelings out on the page. I write to discover new things about myself and others. I write because it gives me peace within. 

I am writing in the And Now You Write Community to strengthen and push myself, to motivate my writing.

If I was glaringly honest, I might admit I am a little freaked out at the though of writing for others. I often write just for me. I find it easier to express myself without thinking what others will read. I think this stems from an idea that I am misunderstood. Perhaps that is all the more reason for me to write.

I hope to explore new places in my heart. I often wonder what goes on inside my wild being, the part of me that I keep contained and bottled. Sometimes I wonder what might happen if I just let it all go. Writing allows me to open up, unafraid and willing to expose.

Just for kicks, I'd like to tell you that I am wounded, broken and flawed. I am just an ordinary gal who has made her share of mistakes. However, I use the hurts of the past to grow and become stronger. I use my flaws and make them beautiful. I am always looking to improve, grow, and better myself.